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Collaborative Stories

This is where you can help me build a story.  I'll continue to add on to this story based on your suggestions (characters, plots, etc.).  Submit your suggestions and ideas to help me build the story. 

3/7/2010 9:49:38 PM
Man in the Black Coat

The man in the black coat walked down the street.  The brim of his hat cast a shadow across his face so no one knew who he was.  He turned a corner, and turned into a small building.  Inside was a room, with a huge crowd surrounding a dead body, all their mouths wide open. Murmurs were going through the crowd as they stared. The man was confused. Was this the murdered man that had been killed three weeks ago? The man spoke:

"What is going on here?" he asked. He only knew a few people from previous experiences at work. But half of the people examining the dead body the man could not name.

"Oh, Detective Black! We're so glad you've come! We need you to find out who murdered this man!" said a woman with a pointed hat like a witch's.

The case had been covered weeks ago by a journalist that worked for the local paper, the Motown Chronicle. Not even the police had found out yet who had committed the crime and why. Strange things seemed to be happening. Detective Black remembered random murders like these back in the days of before he had destroyed his evil nemisis in a sinking ship. All of a sudden, a man dressed in a purple robe in front of a very old mantle, said to be as old as time itself, sighed impatiently as if waiting in a long line for something very important he needed to get to now. "Black Panther, come with me," he said, making motions with his gloved hands. Detective Black was startled by being unusually adressed by his secret agent name, the Black Panther. He followed the man in purple robes to a secret trapdoor right in front of the mantle. Everyone watched as Detective Black crossed the room, but when the man in purple opened up the trapdoor everyone's attention was drawn to the dead body on the floor. Reluctantly, Detective Black climbed into the trapdoor, not sure if the man in purple was a friend or a foe.

Black Panther (or Black for short) followed the man down a steep ladder that almost felt as if he were climbing on the bottom of the monkey bars it was so slanted. Sweating, Black landed on the hard dirt ground of the tunnel. He coughed as dust arose and caught in his chest.

The man in the purple robes fell gracefully to the ground almost without any noise. Dust swirled around him too, but he did not cough. Black tried to see his face, but it was covered by a purple mask. Of course, thought Black. Perfect. Now I don't even know who he is!

"You may be wondering who I am," said the man in purple with a deep, low voice that was somehow recognizable, but Black couldn't put his finger on it.

"Of course," said Black. "Anyone would be." He tried to sound calm, but really he was very frightened.

"I already know your name. My name is Maricous Brooks. I believe we've met before, when you tried to kill me not so long ago." The man smiled wickedly.

Black gasped. That's why the voice was familiar! It belonged to his evil nemisis, Maricous Brooks, on of the country's top ten most wanted criminals. Brooks cackled as staggering men with spears and ragged clothing came out from all around him, encircling Black. The detective pulled out his knife and slashed away, but magically the wounds seemed to heal without a single scar. He fought them off with his knife for what was like ten hours to him, but was really about five minutes. Exhausted, he stopped, breathing hard. Brooks laughed as his men bound his hands and feet with rope on a stick. As they carried him away, Black's head hit a rock. He blanked out for a long time, so long that Brooks even thought he was finally dead...

But was he?

****************

Black awoke in a small, confined space. Trying to be calm, he realized he was in a coffin. Buried alive! he thought. He suddenly realized his throat was parched and his stomach was growling mercilessly. He searched his person for an apple or something, but nothing was there. In fact, he wasn't wearing any of his own clothes but instead was wearing a pair of flimsy, white, cotton drawstring pants and a plain white tunic with a nearly invisible vine pattern on the v-neck collar. He noticed the faint smell of cologne and aftershave. Black longed for his old clothing, but had no way to get it. Shivering, he drilled a hole using the mini power drill he kept in his shoe that was wide enough for his whole body to fit through in the lid of the coffin and pushed himself through the hard soil up into the night sky.  

Black had no idea where he was, but he had his handy compass. Headquarters was North, but his apartment was East, and Black needed a long rest. He began to head in the direction of his house, but after a while he realized how far away he was. He had been walking for over thirty minutes and still wasn't home. in ten minutes he reached a harbor. Now he was very scared. He lived nowhere near the sea. What was going on?

Black decided to ask directions to the East End Apartment Building, where he lived. But it seemed that only one fisherman spoke any English. All the others spoke some foreign language that sounded a lot like Russian. 

And this man didn't even seem to know where Black was talking about. "Shop's closed," he said, but Black kept asking. "East End Apartment Building. Also known as East End Apartment Complex? Never heard of it? What is this place?" Black questioned the man.

The fisherman looked at Black cluelessly, then went to a shelf and pulled out a map of a country that looked nothing like America. Everything was in, again, some weird language. "I don't live here. I live somewhere else. America. Where am I?" Black said, confused.

The fisherman looked surprised. "America? America far. Not here. Can't help you. Sorry. Shop's closed." And this time it really was. Black, once again, found himself alone in the streets of a small Russian fishing village, with no money, no car, and no food. What was he going to do?

After walking aimlessly for miles, Black came across a huge glass dome fenced in with barbed wire. Desperate and a little curious, Black was able to squeeze his skinny body through a wide hole in the fence.

Black entered the dome through the unlocked front door and climbed through the rafters of the huge structure. There was a big machine in the middle of the dome covered by a huge blue tarp. Black heard voices and shrunk behind the rafters.

"...rid of Black, we can put our plan into action!" snickered a gruff voice. Black peered through the bars and saw Brooks and one of his comrades walking into the complex.

"Why so tense, sir? There's nothing to worry about! With Black out of the picture and no longer a threat, we can put our problems behind us and get to the heart of the matter--getting this past The Boss. Do you think he'll approve?

"No," replied Brooks simply.

"Why, sir?" asked the comrade, obviously confused.

"Because," responded Brooks, "Black is not behind us. He is in this very building."

Footsteps. Unavoidable footsteps. "Hello, Black."

He froze.

****************************

List of Viewer Suggestions
9/9/11
Lil Age 9
England
awsome very, very. veeeeery mysterious i really like what you did genna its superb cant wait to here the rest
keep the inspiration Lil!!!!!!
8/11/11
writergeek Age 12
Minnesota, United States
I thought it was a good story idea but it needs more details. What did the dead man look like, what did the trapdoor room smell like, what did the coffin feel like, was it cold in Russia? did he see any boats docked? what did the fishermans shop look like?
Detail makes the story extra intresting and even adds to the suspense.
7/17/11
Victotoria123 Age 7
United Kingdom
it was fab !!!!!!!!!!!!!
5/3/11
RedThunderBird Age 10
Pennsylvania, United States
((Oh! And Genna! You're older then me! Cool!!!! :D))
5/3/11
RedThunderBird Age 10
Pennsylvania, United States
((Hi Genna, by the way, did you make this website up? If you did, that's cool! :D Nice! Oh, did your birthday pass? Is it nice in your state? And is Genna your name? 'Cause it'sa pretty name!! Bye GENNA!))
5/1/11
genna Age 10
Massachusetts, United States
hey tweetie in the morning!
I think that when you submit a suggestion, it just shows a different screen. You should still see your comment come up on the page you submitted it on, but we look through all the comments and stories, so it won't show up immediately
thanks for contributing to the stories! keep up the great writing!
genna
5/1/11
Tweetie in the Morning Age 9
Pennsylvania, United States
Ummmm, Genna? I really like what you did and your collaborative stories but I'm just asking. After you submitted your suggestion, would it go back to the Login or it would say: 'Thanks for doing blah blah blah.'? Because I submited a suggestion for the Black Sword, Man in the Black Coat, and the Baby Bird, and all those, they didn't say, 'Thanks for doing blah blah blah.' But for part two, for my part one of the Black Sword and they said that they would look at it and do whatever to it. But would that happen? I'm just asking. Thanks! :D
4/23/11
poetryrocks Age 99
California, United States
this book is one great mystery novel! i love writing books like this. its soo much fun. love the burried alive part. thats intense stuff!
4/22/11
spicy09 Age 11
Wisconsin, United States
Maybe add some names?
4/18/11
RoStar Age 10
Virginia, United States
Very interesting and mysterious! I think that Black should turn the corner and suddenly, when he least suspects it, BAM! The hallway goes pitch black and somebody trips Detective Black...
4/17/11
spicy09 Age 11
Wisconsin, United States
Very creative, and I love that kind of writing.
4/10/11
lucyloo2 Age 8
United Kingdom
Very mysterious..
3/18/11
luvsdolphins Age 9
Pennsylvania, United States
Hmmmmmmmm...mysterious.......
1/7/11
Zazzle Age 12
Virginia, United States
Genna, look at all the suggestions you have gotten! Obviously your story is very interesting! I say the detective wakes up far away from where he was and is somewhere in Russia where his evil nemisis is planning something. Don't feel bad if you can't use everyone's suggestions either. Keep on going!
12/5/10
meatman33 Age 11
New Jersey, United States
Black should wake up buried alive unceremoniously in a small, undescovered island in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle, and see that he is pinned down under many large rocks.
10/4/10
Nesa24 Age 12
Florida, United States
i think he should survive but when he wakes up be trapped somewhere with sum dangouurous thing like a tiger.
9/26/10
Katluver321 Age 13
Minnesota, United States
I think he should not be dead, but wake up and escape, somehow.....
8/31/10
Jenna Chow Age 9
Pennsylvania, United States
People were gathered to in a group. The Man in the Black coat ask:"Whats the promblm?" A woman said stup
8/31/10
Jenna Chow Age 9
Pennsylvania, United States
People were gathered to in a group. The Man in the Black coat ask:"Whats the promblm?" A woman said stup
7/28/10
cathyheart Age 10
Kentucky, United States
i think that you should have when he wakes he should be alone.
6/24/10
soccergirl55 Age 10
Massachusetts, United States
I think that is a great first chapter! I think black panther should wake up and find himself in that bad guys house. The bad guy and his friends should be talking about a plan to take over the world or something! I bet you could make this a great story!
6/6/10
Zweetok Age 11
England
I think the next story should be about comedy or history, but not factual. I think only PROFESSIONAL writers should write factual, otherwise it becomes boring (sorry Gemma).

Can Gemma you have more collaborate stories, because I am waiting around for another one.

Unless you are waiting for someone to come up with a good idea. Maybe we could do one that's historical and funny at the same time.

Oh and stanley, I've dedicated a story to you, go see it!
5/26/10
sara224722557 Age 12
Michigan, United States
I thought it was a very well written story.
5/19/10
dotdot29 Age 13
Iowa, United States
its time to fly high. To accept the beauty of dotdot29. A legendary soccer player has been found alive, after 29 years in hiding. And miraculously, that is her soccer number. She is honored as MVP and is welcomed back to her star position of center forward. BOW DOWN! BOW DOWN! I am the queen of all civilization. BOW DOWN! BOW DOWN!
5/19/10
ducksfan111 Age 12
Iowa, United States
Black Panther opened his eyes slowly. Disoriented, he turned his head.
Then realized he couldn't.
4/1/10
bert Age 10
North Carolina, United States
Brooks thought again,"What am I talking about, I believe he'll never die.
4/1/10
darius Age 11
Texas, United States
a crowd surronding the dead body.
3/29/10
Stanley Age 13
Scotland

Great story, i love it!
If he ends up in some sort of jail - jail's are escapable. The person that built it would want some way of escape in case there's a mutiny, and he gets thrown in there. There could be some dynimite hidden up a sanddy stone. B.P could stick it in a barred window, ask the guards fo a cigarette as a last request, light the dynimites fuse and WHOLAH!
PLus, some one could be in there with him!

"You'll never take me alive!!!"
3/29/10
Eagles Soar 1-Sarah Age 11
North Carolina, United States
The story s awesome! I would love to see some more acion because you have lots of action packed moments.
3/29/10
Eagles Soar 2-Tanner Age 11
North Carolina, United States
I think you should say in about 3 days black woke up in another dark roam wit a litle,little light coming from up above. Black notices2 of the spearmen in front of the cell staring at him like guards!
3/29/10
Eagles Soar 3-Emily Age 11
North Carolina, United States
When he awoke he was above ground, it was very bright, he cuold barley see. he did not know where he was until he heard waves...... He must be on a island!! It all seemed so fimiliar, the man in purple(Brooks),this island, the dead body.
3/29/10
Eagles Soar 4-Seth Age 11
North Carolina, United States
About 30 hours later he woke up very starled. He did not know were he was and couldn't see anything. Suddenly, something came down from the darkness.
3/27/10
Ruza Age 10
Iowa, United States
Stanley, a 'mantel' is like a shelf above a fireplace.
Basically, you can call it a fireplace shelf.
3/27/10
Ruza Age 10
Iowa, United States
Maye:

Black woke up in a small, dark room. A small, scented candle fill the barren room with some light. Black arose, but a pain stirred in his head. "Ouch," he murmurred as he plopped back onto the ground. A voice erupted the silence. "Hello?" Black looked around, frightened. 'How is that?' he thought, too scared to talk.
Black looked towards the candle: the CANDLE was talking! Black breathed a sigh of relief. At least it wasn't another person...
But then the voice went silent. Black stirred up enough courage to get up, and examine the small but sturdy room. When Black came to a purple curtain, he was curious. Opening the curtain a slit, just enough that he could see, he gasped.

You can add on if you want :)
3/15/10
zbird123 Age 11
North Carolina, United States
Very good, perfect, perfect, 5 stars
3/14/10
Stanley Age 13
Scotland
The man by the mantle could be a foe. The Black Panther (B.P) could talk to him, in this dark dungeon thing, and then ask him his name. The man's name is the name of his evil nemsis, who he thought he destoryed ages ago, in a sinking ship. Men come out from everywhere, trying to catch the B.P, and he fights them. I don't know if he escapes or not.

Only a suggestion.

(By the way, if this is a detective story, you are never going to get rid of me! Sorry! ^-^
3/12/10
meggie Age 10
England
I like it. Maybe you could explain a bit more 'bout the dead body murder part
3/9/10
Stanley Age 13
Scotland
GREAT~!
3/8/10
Stanley Age 13
Scotland
(I did have another suggestion, but it hasn't gone through - it must be my school's computers)

... and the only person who could catch the black panther was Detective Mule, the slyest and slickest detective anyone had ever seen - but no body ever did see him: he slid in and out of the shadows.

Zweetok, what's a mantle?
3/8/10
Stanley Age 13
Scotland
Can it be a huge crowd, and there are gatthered around a dead body? That black coat man sounds like a detective!YAY! Oops, i felt like i am abandoing the black sword...
3/8/10
Zweetok Age 11
England
Inside was a room witha huge mantle. Many questions were asked about that mantle and it's age but no one knew. Some say it was as old as time itself. The man was a thief he ate nothing and drank little so he could slip past guards unnoticed. He wore a bandit suit and he was the best thief in the world. They call him black panther...

Do you like my idea? Is it good?
Genna's World is a creative writing web site for kids. Kids can submit and post original stories, book reviews, comments on other kids' writing, and suggestions for a collaborative story. GennasWorld, for writers, by Genna.