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Collaborative Stories

This is where you can help me build a story.  I'll continue to add on to this story based on your suggestions (characters, plots, etc.).  Submit your suggestions and ideas to help me build the story. 

6/7/2010

The Adventure to America

 

Part One

A Second-Class Boat

Lydia stared at her humble trunk. Ma and Pa didn't make me do this, there's no reason I should be mad at them, she reminded herself. Exhausted, she pushed her tangled mess of hair behind her ear, not bothering to take it all down and put it all up again. It's not that she was lazy, just tired.

Only a few hours ago, Lydia had boarded the boat going from Africa and landing in America. Luckily, her father traded a lot with America and had taught her some of their language, but not so much that she could speak fluently. It was so hard learning a new language, especially one that is completely different from the one you were raised with! But Ma had reminded her that no changes are ever easy.

But one can learn a lot about a boat in a few hours. You can learn that waves are very choppy and bumpy and disagree with your stomach. You can learn that the portions are small and mostly inedible. You can also learn that blacks like her weren't allowed up on deck.

Lydia thought that was unfair. What kind of boat was this? Was it going to be like this in America too? If so, she didn't want to go. Would they even seperate what kids you could play with, or how differently you were treated? Lydia was suddenly scared of this new world. She was a stranger here. A strong gust blew through the windows that didn't close and were always open. Tired and wanting to just fall asleep, Lydia fell asleep, all wrapped up in her woolen blanket at the foot of the ladder leading up to the deck. She dreamed that she was dressed all fancy like the white passengers upstairs, and she was having a party. Little did she know that it would take a lot to get there were she was going. Little did she know that all her worst fears were about to come true.

List of Viewer Suggestions
6/8/11
Shmink Age 11
United Kingdom
When Is MORE Going To Be Written ????????????????
3/20/11
Megan Age 10
England
Cool! I love the story though maybe like so many other people have said you could describe what she looks like??? Anyway great story and PLZ PLZ PLZ write a part two! lol.
2/25/11
Liddy Age 10
Germany
I think the reason Lydia should go is because her parents were forced to do it, and the ship people plan to sell her as a slave (her "worst fears"!), but then some other person steals her and sells her to a really nice person but at some point she meets a really mean person. I think the way it ended sounded pretty good, actually (;)). PLeeeeeeeeeeeeeessee make a part two (I didn't really mean that) LOL Keep on writing! :D
1/7/11
Shmink Age 11
United Kingdom
I think you should have some of the staff on the boat come down but when the talk to Lydia the treat Lydia like dirt
1/6/11
Milbo Age 10
Australia
Good work on the idea of the story;
However I think it could be more detailed like telling us what she might of looked like or what she was seeing on the boat. At the end of your paragraph as shown I would suggest to not use 'Little did she know-' twice in a row as a starter for a sentence. You could also include some speaking sentences of her sharing her thoughts and experiences with those around her. It was great that you wrote what you think you would feel and think if you were in that situation. But besides those few things I mentioned, it could be a fantastic story and has a great base and plot. Good Work!
10/3/10
meggie2 Age 10
England
I loved it and I like the fact she's from a different skin colour catergory and that its set in times were blacks couldn't mix with whites and were considered 'second class' and wrongly bellow whites. GREAT STORY STARTER. I would like to find out what happens next as this seems so interesting. Please write a part 2!!!! Now I'll stop as I'm writing this suggestion WAY too long!!!! Keep writing guys!!!
9/27/10
RoseThorn12 Age 12
New Zealand
this is an awesome story.
but why did she have to go? maybe there could be some one after her or something!
9/3/10
Indigodreamer16 Age 11
Maine, United States
I love this story! Keep writing it. I think it would be good if Lydia met someone on the ship that she became friends with.
9/1/10
Fantasy Lover Age 12
Kansas, United States
Sweet! I love how you mention that she was black after you went through and described the boat and her parents not wanting her to go. It really took me by surprise. Maybe instead of "Little did she know that it would take a lot to get there were she going. Little did she know all her worst fears were about to come true." you could say "Of course that would never happen,these people seemed to hate her. All to soon would Lydia find out just how much."
8/2/10
mpocasoprano1 Age 11
Massachusetts, United States
I love this story! <3333 Maybe you could make her "worst fear" something having to do with her setting in the start of the story? Just a suggestion... : ) : ) Keep writing!!
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