Genna's, World Banner
- or

Stories By Viewers

You can submit a comment or suggestion for this story by clicking on the "Submit Suggestion" button to the right.  See other submissions by this author by going to the "Author List" page to the left.

3/9/2010 2:55:18 PM
Karl Cannon - Expermental Part 1
Stanley Age 13

**** PICK OF THE WEEK FOR 3/10/10 ******

Cannon was a simple man. Being a detective was depressing, with all the blood, despair and murder, so that’s why we can find him sitting on his sofa which all the things that made him happy. He had a bowl of ice cream in his hands, the window open so a nice breeze came into the room, the TV on extra loud, and four of his favourite objects on the coffee table in front of him, which he had unwrapped carefully before. One was a doggy that does cartwheels, one was a wooden spoon, one was a paperclip, and one was a picture of his uncle. Cannon sighed and lifted his foot, pressing the photo frame down into the table. He liked his uncle, as he was rich and paid Cannon’s bills, but that much - His uncle gave him a hundred pounds a month, which he wanted to go to a mental clinic, as apparently Cannon was a nutcase. ‘Why does everyone say that?’ Cannon asked his clock, and licked a scoop of ice cream. The ice cream tasted good, especially when Cannon stuck his finger in the bowl and mixed it all up. SPLAT. Cannon wiped the splatters of ice cream off his face and stared at the grenade nestled at the bottom of his bowl, dripping in melting ice cream. .....

List of Viewer Suggestions
laffytaffy Age 8
Hawaii, United States
Indigodreamer16 Age 11
Maine, United States
This is a great story! If you keep writing, make sure you keep writing humor in it. It balances out the mysteriousness. The "he asked his clock" part was hilarious! I can't wait to read more!
Christy Age 12
Pennsylvania, United States
I would also suggest that you put an unusual character in the story. You could have a weird looking man/woman come up to the detective in the middle of town or something like that. Here, I'll start something off for you if you want to use it:

She had skin pinched tighter than wrinkles of a clothes. Her hair was gnarled and uncombed while her bloodshot eyes stared warily at him. She licked her lips as she lifted a sharp, thin finger and pointed at him. All eyes were glued on the nervous detective. Her finger trembled slightly as the ancient woman spoke in a hoarse voice, "You're the one."

I'm totally in love with your story! Please keep writing it!
Christy Age 12
Pennsylvania, United States
Hey, that's really good! Keep up the good work--I know you can do it!
cathyheart Age 10
Kentucky, United States
i think it's okay,
soccergirl55 Age 10
Massachusetts, United States
I think it is a great start. At first i thought, what is the point? But then you said that you wanted to keep adding on to it. It is a great start but diffidently add more to it.
Zweetok Age 11
There needs to be a lot more action, like he could have to solve another, but not like the usual ones in Part Two.

Otherwise it's a good start.
genna Age 10
Massachusetts, United States
that was really good! I liked it a lot. If you make a part 2 i bet it will be really good!
Stanley Age 13
Please tell me if this first part is good, as i'm trying to write a book. Just tell me what you want to read.
Genna's World is a creative writing web site for kids. Kids can submit and post original stories, book reviews, comments on other kids' writing, and suggestions for a collaborative story. GennasWorld, for writers, by Genna.